Dear June,

dear month of june,

you spoiled me with 24 unusually cool days.
thank you for the opportunity to sit outside on my swing and enjoy a cool breeze. thank you for letting me run a few errands with out sweltering heat. thank you for mild temps, mid-day play dates at the park. thank you for meals on the back patio. thank you for open windows and screen doors, for letting the sweet fragrances from my flower filled yard drift in with your breeze. thank you for not killing my hydrangeas.

but june, today it is HOT! and it has been hot for the past few days. so hot i am stuck indoors. indoors with 3 noisy, need-to-go-outside-and-play-and-take-their-noise-with-them-kids! indoors with ms."i'm bored," and ms."i have nothing to do," and mr."mommy, can i play wii." indoors huddled up together under the air-conditioning vent. june, we do not function well cooped up indoors.

so please return to those breezy, cool, sunny days. please.

oh and could you tell your friend july to do the same!

bathing suit cover-up

i was trying on $20 bathing suit cover-ups at target last week, and thinking $20 is a lot to spend on something i want, but don't need. i mean i think i need it, covering up is VERY important to me, but i couldn't rationalize spending $20 for something i could live without.
it's not that i am incredibly cheap (okay, i am kinda cheap), i'm just incredibly practical. come on, non of us are rolling in it ($) these days (if you are could i come over and roll in it with you?). i know that i have to be a bit more mindful of where the $ is going, and being a bit more creative certainly helps.
so, i stood there in the $20 cover-up and thought about what i could use instead to cover up this 35 yr old, post babies, body i am not in a whole lotta like with.
then it hit me...make a cover up! but how? out of beach towels!
so i got myself back in my clothing (thank God for clothing) and headed over to the beach towels, where they had some incredibly CUTE beach towels for just $5.99.
for that price i could make cover-ups for my girls as well.
so here you have it, emilie in her beach towel cover-up!
I think it looks GREAT!

Do you have any creative summer savings tips!

letting go doesn't get easier

i'm preparing to let go again.

preparing comes in the packing, clothes labeling, ironing (yes, i'm o.c.d.), and miscellaneous item gathering (mommy's think of everything).
preparing comes in readying myself to be absent from their presence for 2 whole weeks.
preparing comes in trusting Jesus to hold them, cover them, lead them, teach them, inspire, and grow them without my influence.

i thought it would get easier, letting go, but it doesn't.

i am selfish. i want to hold on tight.
but i won't.
instead i will put on my brave mommy face, smile, and cheer them on to camp, on to their adventure.
and when they aren't looking, when i am back in the van, on my way home, to where i know it will be much too quiet, i'll take my brave mommy face off, and have a short missing-them-already cry.

and when i am done, i will resume the preparing.
preparing for 2 weeks with just josie, making memories with just her.
preparing letters and packages for their camp mail. :-)
preparing to hold them again when they return.
preparing to let them go again when it is time.

God is proposing

for more information visit Just Stop and Think

We Are Blessed!

not quiet one year into marriage, i stood in the bathroom of our first home, wondering if the recent nausea, vomiting, and mood swings, were a result of, well...
i examined the First Response pregnancy box,.
i wondered if it was normal for the the stick to turn positive before it turned negative.
i waited the exact number of minuets the directions instructed me to wait.
i waited for that stick to change from positive to negative.
i reread the box.
i reexamined the stick.
+ sign means positive right?
time was up.
the positive sign had never changed, and was now like a neon light shouting, YOUR PREGNANT!"
i just stood there in disbelief that this moment was already here. this life changing moment that i thought wouldn't arrive for a few more years, was here!
"michael, come here," i called with all the calmness i could muster.
i handed you the stick.
but instead of the disbelief and fear i was certain i would see in your young 23 year old face,
our news was welcomed with a tender smile, a sure embrace, and the sweetest words,
"we are blessed."

as i look back, i see that was the moment you became a father. it was the moment you lept into daddy-hood!
you are the best daddy!
the best-
swaddler
diaper changer
football (colic) holder
"super baby"flyer
bedtime prayer
dish cleaner
"woofle" maker
potty trainer
jungle gym
cookie maker
silly voice story reader
bed time hair braider
no-more-training-wheels-run-along-sider
snow ski instructor
teeter-totter reinventor
hugger
board game player
puppet theater constructor
little girl sunday hair curler and pretty dress ironer
backpacker and front yard camper
go-cart builder
doll house contractor
b.b. gun shooter
hand holder
listener
sand castle maker
student
lego creation engineer
boat driver and water sports instructor
saturday morning breakfast trainer
project leader
helper....
to name just a few (and if you know michael, you know i am naming just a few).

michael, "we are blessed" that God wrote you for us. you are this girl's dream of a daddy and a husband. getting to partner with you in this adventure of parenthood is an honor and a gift. thank you for leaping into daddy-hood everyday.

I LOVE YOU! Happy Father's Day!

21-derful years ago

(originally posted June 2007)

Nothing Is Worth More Than This Day

19 (now 21) years ago today I was saved from defeat, lies, darkness, hopelessness, abandonment, loneliness, despair, death. I came to life.
A friend invited me to Hume Lake Christian Camp, but because my mother was a semi single mother who worked as a waitress, camp wasn't financially possible (I mean we got the free cheese- those of you who got free cheese know what I'm talking about). Then a week before camp, the same friend who had invited me, called and said a girl canceled, the church had to pay for her spot, and they wanted me to go in it.
I can't say I wanted to go to a Christian camp. If there was a God, I had a question for Him- "why did you give me this life, I didn't do anything to deserve it."
From birth my dad had rejected me, and over the years has made it clear that I am not his daughter (My dad was a drug user for 27 years, until he was arrested in 1998, and found to be mentally ill. A paranoid schizophrenic, he now lives in a state hospital). A weekend visit to my grandparents at the age of 3, turned into a 3 year stay, as my mother decided she couldn't care for my younger sister and I. After returning to my mothers at the age of 6, she continued to "look for love in all the wrong places," married, divorced, engaged, separated, married, divorced, engaged, separated, married, divorced, married. I've had 7 dads. No one stayed. No one loved me and stayed. No one gave up their life for me and stayed. No one said I was enough, beautiful, lovable, wanted... everything they did said I was anything but these things.
And so I went to camp, desperately wanting a week break from it all.
It was amazing! Games and activities, being part of a team, 3 meals a day, singing, beautiful mountains, people pouring into me... It felt that I had really breathed and lived for the first time in my then 14 years of life.
That week the speaker , Steve Russo, spoke about how "God is a father who will never leave you or forsake you," he said. "that nothing can separate us from the love of God." (tears- It still gets me). I needed that. So, I took my first steps to my Father, while singing "Oh Lord, take my life as an offering, let it be molded by your own hands, fill me with your spirit and your grace to quench a thirsty land, thank you for always being near even after I've done you wrong, Father please use my frail life now for when I am weak I am strong." And He breathed new life into me, and He called me daughter, and He promised to love me, and never go. 19 years later I can say that "His love is better than life." And I have one question for Him, "Why did you give me this life, I did nothing to deserve it."

And, Thank You! To all of you who serve in the camping ministries, every part of what you do is important. Thank you to those of you who pay for kids to go to camp, and for those who pay for kids who can't pay for themselves. Your saving lives.
Check out some of the fabulous camps in our back yard-
Calvin Crest
Summit Adventure
*Camp Oakhurst
*Yosemite Sierra Summer Camp
Sugar Pine
ECCO

(* camps my husband and I have worked at)

hoast beef

i'm visited my grandmother yesterday. i love my grandmother.

EVERYTIME i visit she makes me my "favorite" meal,
"hoast beef" (roast beef).

first, grandma (who we lovingly refer to as "vava") doesn't speak english (she speaks portuguese. yes, i speak portuguese too) and can't say her "r." it is incredibly cute when she attempts to speak english, and i for one love her "r"-less words.

second, roast beef is not my favorite, but don't tell vava!
about 15 years ago on a visit to vava's she had made "hoast beef," i commented on how good it was, and from that time on she has referred to it as my favorite and has ALWAYS made "hoast beef" when i come for a visit.

for the portuguese the way to show affection is by feeding each other. there is always a great feast whenever we are together. i receive affection when i enjoy the feast.

i think of the feast God provides for me daily. do i come to his table? do i feast on what he knows will be my favorite meals? the truth is i don't. i snack, but rarely do i feast.

and i'm hungry.

i stand at the refrigerator of God' s word, undecided on what i should consume. usually after a few moments of staring in i close the door, decide on a snack, and satisfy my hunger temporarily. but in the end i'm still hungry.

i receive affection from God when my plate is filled at his banqueting table. i am exhausted and worn down when my plate is filled from life's table.

"Come unto Me" Matt 6:28

"Do I want to get there? I can now. The questions that matter in life are remarkably few, and they are all answered by the words- "Come unto Me." Not- Do this or don't do that; but- "Come unto Me."
... The attitude of coming is that the will resolutely lets go of everything and deliberately commits all to Him.
..."Come unto Me, and I will give you rest," i.e., I will stay you. Not - I will put you to bed and hold your hand and sing you to sleep; but-I will get you out of bed, out of the languor and exhaustion, out of the state of being half dead while you are alive."

Oswald Chambers