Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Who I am

"He (God) will set them off with communications of His presence which, though faint, seem great to them, with emotional sweetness, and easy conquest over temptation. But He never allows this state of affairs to last long. Sooner or later He withdraws, if not infact, at least from their conscious experience, all those supports and incentives. He leaves the creature to stand up on it's own leg- to carry out from the will alone duties which have lost relish. It is during such periods, much more than during peak periods, that it is growing into the sort of creature He wants it to be... He wants them to learn to walk and must therefore take away His hand; and if only the will to walk is really there He is pleased even with their stumbles."

C.S. Lewis, Screwtape Letters.

This is one of my favorite pix of me. It was taken in 2003 at a friend's wedding as I danced and laughed like I hadn't laughed for some time.

In 2003, God took away His hand. The God who had been so tangible to me seemed absent. I was lost.
I think of my own children learning to walk on their own, taking my hand from them. They would stand still, or drop to the floor (I did that). I knew they could walk even when they didn't. I dreamed of the moment they would, wanting them to walk straight to me.
At one point I saw this picture and God said, "that's who you are."
It took 2 years for me to "grow into the sort of creature " God wanted me to be (and like all of us, I'm still under construction). It took some time before I got up, stumbled, and eventually walked right into Gods arms.

When depression, adversity, trials, or disbelief hit, this picture reminds me of who I am. I dance, I laugh, I stumble, and I walk.

What reminds you of who you really are?


  1. What an absolutely beautiful analogy. I am right there ya!
    PS - found you by way of Jules!

  2. He is always so faithful. Isn't He?