For 4yrs I have been in bondage for stupid words that came out of my mouth. Words that came out of my mouth at a friend. Words that came out of pride and darkness. Words that had made a cozy home in my head. Words that once they were out of the dark and into the light, I knew were lies. But, it was too late. Because of the Liar (Satan), the words became something bigger than they were, lies upon lies upon lies. God used this time as a tearing down for me, then building me up stronger.
We (God and I) began the journey to find the source of pride and lies in my life, and to replace those places with humility and truth.
For the first time in my life I recognized that-
I needed grace.
I received grace from God, without earning it first.
I have become a grace-giver.
I have learned to receive God's forgiveness.
I have learned to forgive.
I have learned to accept things I cannot change, and to wait.
There are so many details to read between the lines of each of these sentences. These 4 yrs have been trying and hard. There have been many tears, and much brokenness, questioning, aching, screaming, pleading, releasing, surrendering, and hoping.
Today forgiveness was given, and received. Today words were shared, hearts were seen, and firm embraces were given. Today I dance freedoms dance, and I sing freedoms song, and I breath freedoms breath.
"It is finished." Thank you Jesus.
"Distress that drives us to God does that. It turns us around. It gets us back in the way of salvation. We never regret that kind of pain. But those who let distress drive them away from God are full of regrets, end up on a deathbed of regrets.
And now, isn't wonderful all the ways in which this distress has goaded you closer to God? You're more alive, more concerned, more sensitive, more reverent, more human, more passionate, more responsible. Looked at from any angle, you've come out of this with purity of heart. And that is what I was hoping for in the first place.... My primary concern was not for the one who did the wrong or even the one wronged, but for you- that you would realize and act upon the deep, deep ties between us before God."
II Corinthians 7 (The Message)