passion

i sat on the Amtrak bus headed to S.L.O., it was late and Josie was snuggling in close covered by her "dede"(blanket). i held her and listened to the conversations happening between passengers around me. i couldn't help myself, one 22 yr old girl struck up a conversation with the guy across from her. At first she asked the surface questions, but quickly she changed gears and asked what he thought about God. She was ready to evangelize. The guy responded that he had just become a Christian 6 months ago at a Taco Loco. They shared their testimonies- she was just returning from a Hillsong conference in Australia, and knew that God was calling her to work with children who are being prostituted in the states. He was in his early 20's, has a 3 yr old daughter, and was into drugs, when someone approached him at a Taco Loco and spoke right to his heart. Now he is a youth group leader at a church, getting involved in worship, and he is in love with Jesus.
They are both in love with Jesus. As they spoke i could hear the romance, wonder, hope, and knowing that comes from being in love with Jesus. And i missed a girl i used to know. A girl who would have boarded that bus knowing there was love to be spilled. And it spilled, because she was so full of that love it had to spill.

i missed a girl who use to pray and know it would be answered. i do not pray like that anymore.
A girl who use to fight for what she knew God was calling her to. i do not fight or listen to His calling like that anymore.
She use to spill with love for Jesus, couldn't help it. i don't spill like that anymore.

i know that i am 34, and a 20 yr old Christian. i know that what Jesus and i have now is lasting, faithful, sure, and like a marriage our relationship becomes more beautiful with time.

But i miss that girl.