My name is Denise Jones and I'm a pharisee.
We have all heard the phrase "once an alcoholic always an alcoholic". For me it is "once a pharisee always a pharisee." I have seen pharisee defined as a -self righteous, hypocritical person. I have read about the pharisees in scripture and found I resemble them more than the man they pointed fingers at (Jesus).
I am overwhelmed because-
God is so good and so gracious. He loves me so much. He is shaping , molding , moving, humbling, and revealing himself and his way to me. I am undeserving.
And, I am overwhelmed because I'm a recovering pharisee. Yuck! And here is the ugly truth- I am good at pointing fingers, at being better than others, at building myself up, at following lists, formulas, or a moral code.
I am not good at humility, at being less, at not winning approval, at grace.
I wish recovery was like cleaning a closet. I could get it done in a day, and toss all the unwearable items. It is more like putting on something you haven't worn in a while, feeling comfortable in it at first, and later, in the right mirror, and the right Lighting, discovering it's not flattering.
I have had to recognize that the Jesus I followed for so many years, looks little like the Jesus that is. That the Jesus I thought I resembled looks very little like Jesus.
I want to know Jesus. I want to be humble, less as others are more, enough to my Maker... I want to give the grace that has been given to me (which is A LOT!).