Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Recovering Pharisee

My name is Denise Jones and I'm a pharisee.

We have all heard the phrase "once an alcoholic always an alcoholic". For me it is "once a pharisee always a pharisee." I have seen pharisee defined as a -self righteous, hypocritical person. I have read about the pharisees in scripture and found I resemble them more than the man they pointed fingers at (Jesus).

I am overwhelmed because-

God is so good and so gracious. He loves me so much. He is shaping , molding , moving, humbling, and revealing himself and his way to me. I am undeserving.

And, I am overwhelmed because I'm a recovering pharisee. Yuck! And here is the ugly truth- I am good at pointing fingers, at being better than others, at building myself up, at following lists, formulas, or a moral code.

I am not good at humility, at being less, at not winning approval, at grace.

I wish recovery was like cleaning a closet. I could get it done in a day, and toss all the unwearable items. It is more like putting on something you haven't worn in a while, feeling comfortable in it at first, and later, in the right mirror, and the right Lighting, discovering it's not flattering.

I have had to recognize that the Jesus I followed for so many years, looks little like the Jesus that is. That the Jesus I thought I resembled looks very little like Jesus.

I want to know Jesus. I want to be humble, less as others are more, enough to my Maker... I want to give the grace that has been given to me (which is A LOT!).

10 comments:

  1. Wow. Amazing! Your honesty is so appreciated, Denise. What time is the recovery meeting? I don't want to be late!! :) You're right - He is SO good. Striving to be what He is to us in the lives of others -- what a wonderful thing.

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  2. What a great post. I am a pharisee too and could use a recovery meeting!

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  3. Loved the post---aren't we all Pharisee's in some form or another?
    God have mercy on me, a sinner!!

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  4. It's interesting how God works. The word Pharisee came to my mind (about myself) just this morning. I was feeling very frustrated with myself because of something I did that I shouldn't have. Just when I think I'm doing so well, and loving Him the way I think I should, I get reminded of how human I am. How human we all are.

    Thank God that His grace and mercy are extravagant, and are enough to cover us even when we act like Pharisees!

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  5. I completely understand as God must be working on both of our hearts in this area...saying or knowing one thing & doing another. I just blogged about this the other day & it's very convicting. You said it all in such depth of insight & so beautifully...I guess God is wanting me to keep thinking about it. Thank you for the reminder Denise.

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  6. Hmmmm, thanks for understanding. thanks for mercy.
    you help me to give myself mercy.

    i wonder what a recovering pharisee meeting would look like?? church.

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  8. Should I bring cookies or something to the meeting? Maybe the group should be called P.A. Pharisees Anonymous.......good thing there isnt a 12 step recovery program - I think its just a 2 step program......Ask forgiveness and turn from the sin. Thank you for your post! I need to read this one everyday.

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  9. I'll be at Mari's recovery meeting too!

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  10. See at the P.A. meeting ! I think we all needed to be reminded that we were the ones who put Jesus on the cross, but He died on it for us ! Some times it makes you stand back and say "WOW", He loves me that much !!

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