nothing in me

From My Utmost For His Highest by Oswald Chambers

The bravery of God in trusting us! you say- "But He has been unwise to choose me, because there is nothing in me; I am not of any value." That is why He chose you. As long as you think there is something in you, He cannot choose you...

It is not a question of our equipment but of our poverty, not of what we bring, but of what God put into us...

As Christians we are not after our own cause, we are out for the cause of God... we do not know what God is after, but we have to maintain our relationship with Him whatever happens....

The main thing about Christianity is not the work we do, but the relationship we maintain and the atmosphere produced by that relationship. That is the one thing God asks us to look after.

i use to chase worthiness. i was good at it. i could get praise, affection, and value at the drop of a hat. if i was feeling low, than i would find a way to feel worth. this went on for years, until God had had enough. winning mans approval had become priority, living in God's love had become secondary.
it all fell apart, and it seemed i was nobody to everybody. God wouldn't let me be.
i didn't realize this is the goal, to be nothing. there is freedom in that, not having to be anything, anybody, good enough, lovely, lovable, talented, capable, doing...
but it's so hard to be/do nothing.

but there is beauty in that nothingness-it's humility. humility looks like Jesus.

i have got to learn to chase nothingness.

i want to be a child when it comes to my Father. my children are worthy because they are my children. i will give up my whole self for them because they are mine.
i want to get it, know it, breath it, live it, with my Father God- that i am WORTHY!
this is the relationship i must maintain. what an atmosphere that would be!